He Asked Me, “What Are You Scared Of?”

I’m not sure I want everyone to know my secrets but if I’m to tell my story then it has to be the truth.

So here it goes…

Growing up, I was always the overweight one, (who am I kidding)…

I have been overweight my whole life, become obese by my adult years and have many memories of being made fun of by my siblings about my weight. I guess this was what siblings did. However, I just didn’t find it funny. The teasing became detrimental in the years to come and my self esteem and confidence were non existent. Adding to this, my siblings weren’t the only ones to ridicule my weight. I even had my Year 7 teacher, my grandfather, my uncles and even a trainer make fun of me.

I tried to lose the weight more times than I can even remember, I have had numerous personal trainers and have even tried a number of weight loss programs. Each time started enthusiastically and would tell myself that “this would be the last time”.

But it didn’t work. Instead, I would lose a little bit of weight, reward myself with food and then I would gain weight. Once I gained the weight back, I would stop going to the gym or trainer and I would even quit my job because I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself.

I can recall many times where I wouldn’t even leave the house, let alone my bedroom, as I didn’t want anyone to look at me and know that I had failed.

Reflecting back, I now know that I was always going to regain the weight because I was never truly honest with myself. Throughout this cycle, I was also battling bouts of depression, anxiety, thoughts of suicide and had a gambling addiction.

At the age of 14, my father passed away suddenly and my entire world was instantly turned upside down. I blamed myself because I used to have thoughts about what my life would be like without a father. For a very long time, I never forgave myself for those thoughts as they eventually turned into reality.

Fast forward 4 years, the time when I became of legal age and my gambling addiction started and continued to my early 30s. I used gambling as an escape from being obese. This way, I didn’t have to deal with reality and it was easier to run away from my problems than to face them.

There were times where I would have thoughts of suicide and even consider how I could do it, whether I ram my car into a wall or hang myself. I kept thinking what was the point? I wasn’t living and when I was, it all seemed like an act. The only thing that would stop me from committing suicide was the thought of my mum and how she has already lost so many loved ones so I just couldn’t do it to her.

At 33 years old, I made the decision to stop gambling and change my life. With the help of anti depressants, I began my journey. My weight was 119kg and I had a goal of being 63kg, that meant I had a total of 56kg’s to lose!

One of my friends at work offered to pay for my first Lite ’n’ Easy delivery. I got down to 78 kilos however, throughout 2016 I gained back 16 kg’s and began to slip back into my old habits of gambling, depression and suicidal thoughts.

The cycle started to repeat itself and I knew I had to make a drastic change.

That’s when I started researching “the best personal training studios in Melbourne”. After searching through websites, I was able to narrow it down to two studios. One of them was close to home and the other was not so close. Needless to say, we know which one I chose, it definitely wasn’t the most conveniently located for me but it was the best decision I have ever made!

When I received that initial call from Jaz, I decided to invest in my future. For me, this decision was quite literally life or death and one that I couldn’t put a price tag on.

When I met Liam for the first time, I was in shock. He was just a baby! I thought “how could this person train me?”

However, my mind was at ease once I began speaking with him and I knew that he was the right trainer for me. I quickly realised that age was just a number!

In the beginning, I would walk into the sessions feeling self conscious and sometimes even anxious. This wasn’t by any means because of anything that anyone at Enterprise did but it was just me believing my own thoughts of self doubt.

Three weeks into my training with Liam, a major life changing event happened and I immediately started to feel everything slipping away. I knew I had no choice but to open up to Liam and tell him what had happened. We went for a walk and I began bawling my eyes out but without any judgements, Liam was there for me and I began to trust him.

Training with Liam hasn’t been all smooth sailing. We had our ups and downs but I learned that he honestly wanted the best for me.

At the 7 week mark, I received news that both of my eyes would require a procedure. I was devastated and ready to slip back into my depression until Liam made me realise that curve balls will always been thrown our way, however, it’s the way you handle the situation that really counts.

It took me the entire 12 weeks to realise how far I’ve come and feel proud of what I have achieved.

To say that I’ve come a long way would be an understatement!

Training at Enterprise Fitness has been nothing short of life changing. It has given me control over my own life and for the first time, at 36 years old, I can say that I’m genuinely happy.

My one wish is that I had found Enterprise earlier, as it would have saved me a lot of heartache!

To my amazing, yet sometimes annoying, trainer Liam;

Don’t cry, but you have changed my life more than you realise. More importantly, you helped save my life!

There was this one time where you asked me “what are you scared of?”

I replied “Failure”

Then you said to me, “You’re not going to fail”

I mumbled something and you looked me in the eye and said, “I’m not going to let you fail”.

Since then you have never let me down. Although we haven’t reached my ultimate goal just yet, I know WE will.

Thank you to everyone at Enterprise Fitness (in particular Liam) for all of the support!

I now have a future.

Rania,
Enterprise Member